Whilst the act of adoption involves a number of people, it primarily affects the following three groups of people (also known as the Adoption Triad):

1. The birth parent(s) of the child who is placed for adoption
2. The adoptive parents (and family)
3. The adoptee (the child who has been placed for adoption)

Although each one of these groups is affected by the act of adoption, they frequently have very different feelings connected with it. These feelings may range from delirious joy, often experienced by the adoptive family of the child - usually a couple who've been unable to have a biological child of their own, to abject misery and despair -frequently experienced by the birth mother (and sometimes the biological father) who is unable to keep her baby.

The group who seems to be most affected by adoption, however, are the adoptees. Whilst not all of them appear to suffer emotionally, some spend a life-time searching for their 'lost' self (their identity). These individuals are frequently consumed by a burning desire to connect with their biological parent/s. They may have an 'urgent need' to unearth their historical roots, discover the secrets of their past and to gain an understanding of the circumstances surrounding their adoption. Whilst some adoptees succeed in their quest and find the answers to their questions, others are not so lucky. In either case, adoptees often carry a heavy emotional load as a result of the choices made on their behalf.

Common painful feelings identified amongst adoptees are:

• An all pervasive sense of loss
• Feelings of rejection and abandonment
• Grief about not knowing their biological family
• No sense of self - loss of identity and heritage
• A painful sense of not belonging anywhere
• Lack of self-esteem
• Pain of feeling different from everyone else
• Anger about their biological parent/s having made such a significant decision on their behalf
• Feelings of 'not being good enough'
• Resentment of their biological parent/s
• Resentment of their adoptive parent/s
• A sense of helplessness (no choices in life) and/or hopelessness
• A sense of insecurity and fear that everyone will leave them - even those who love them
• An inability to trust

 

� Sonja Ridden 2004
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