During the past couple of years I have made some significant changes in my life. I've sold the house that had been my home for 20 years and moved to a relatively small unit in a different suburb. I relocated my practice from what had been my sanctuary for almost 9 of my 15 years I in private practice. I waved good-bye to my 2 baby birds (my younger sons) who decided that it was time to fly on their own ... and that's just hitting the highlights. Moving through these changes has been a process that the therapist within me has observed with great interest. As you can imagine, in my profession I deal almost daily  with the effects of change in people's lives. I witness the pain that accompanies unwanted and unexpected change such as the death of a loved one; separation and divorce; the loss of a job or of health.  In balance, however, I also witness the excitement that accompanies desired change. I see the joy of clients achieving their goals and the sense of victory felt by those who've overcome massive hurdles in order to get there.

CHANGE IS INEVITABLE . . .

No-one escapes change but most of us fear it. And why shouldn't we? It is, after all, a move into unknown territory. Change that comes unbidden, of course, contains the greatest challenges and holds the greatest fear. Questions that we may ask in such circumstances might be:

• How am I going to cope?
• What will my world be like without that special person?
• Who will be there for me?
• Will I have the support I need?

These are questions that are perfectly understandable, especially when the change comes about as a result of loss. However, change can bring anxiety even when we invite and instigate it ourselves. Questions that might arise in such a situation could be:

Change, I've discovered, is always accompanied by a sense of destabilisation. It is true that when we sail towards new territory we must expect to, at least temporarily, lose sight of land. This is scary and requires much courage. However, when we muster that courage, we generally find that it greatly enriches our lives.

. . . GROWTH IS INTENTIONAL

The saying goes: Change is inevitable, growth is intentional. So what can we do to ensure that we grow from change, whether it be change we've invited or change that has come unbidden? Here are a few suggestions:

Look for the gifts:

Change may show you something that had thus far been unknown to you.

• Perhaps you had no idea how strong you could be.
• Perhaps the change enabled you to discover friends and supporters you never knew you had.
• Perhaps your life became less complicated as a result of the change.
• Perhaps you actually liked the result, even if it wasn't something you'd anticipated or looked for?

Change carries a lot of gifts, you just need to open your eyes, your mind and your heart so that you'll be able to discover them.

Be willing to let go:

• Do your perfectionist tendencies support you when change becomes necessary, or not? If not, then you need to let go of them!
• Is it helpful to hold on to the expectations you've had of yourself, of others, or of life? If not, wave them good-bye!
• Do your friends support and empower you on this journey? If not, leave them behind and turn towards those who do.

Look for the message:

• What are you learning about yourself in the change process?
• What are you discovering about others?
• What are you going to do differently in the here and now or next time you are faced with the challenge of change?
• What is the message for you?

Embrace the challenge:

Victor Frankl, a concentration camp survivor and man I greatly admire, once said: When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. I believe that there is no greater gift that we as human beings have been given than the capacity to change ourselves. This means, that whilst acknowledging the role my genetic makeup and the environment in which I was raised have a lot to do with who I currently am, I  STILL HAVE A CHOICE in the matter of becoming the person I want to be. I can't change what was but I can change what is ... and I have all the power I need to become the person I want to be.

As this year is about to  draw to a close, why not challenge yourself about what changes YOU would like to make in 2010!