Tips For Achieving Your Desired Outcomes
(How to get a win/win)

Okay, so here we are, ready to talk about striving towards a win/win outcome for whatever the issue may be that causes you concern. Here are a few tips that will greatly enhance your chances of achieving your desired outcome:

1. Be clear about what it is you actually wish to achieve - have a goal in mind.

2. Pick the right time - resist the urge to tackle problems if you or the other person feel overloaded, stressed or tired.

3. Remember the importance of appropriate body language – maintain an open posture, give the other person your undivided attention and use a calm voice.

4. Whatever you wish to say to the other person, be sure to begin your communication by affirming the positives of your relationship.

5. Carefully consider what you want to say before you say it and position anything that the other person could deem critical in-between two positive statements.

6. Be specific - give concrete examples of your areas of concern.

7. Use “I statements”, such as 'When this happens, I feel hurt and I need this to stop." ##

8. State what you want, not what you don’t want, for example:

***“Please clean up your room“ NOT “Your room looks like a pig sty!”
***“I would like to go out this Saturday night” NOT “Why don’t we ever go out?”

9. Be sure to stick to one subject at a time - don’t get sidetracked by or give in to the temptation to raise the other 101 issues that have annoyed you over the past 13 years.

10. Avoid criticising, judging and coercing - these tactics only put the other person on the defensive.

11. Avoid the following words ‘you should’, ‘you always’, ‘you never’!

12. Exercise tolerance - tolerance is a great virtue. It is NOT, like some people may assume, a sign of weakness.

13. It's important that you do not take the other person’s responses personally.

14. Make statements instead of asking questions - "Please don’t speak to me like that!" instead of: "Why do you always say these things?"

15. Make requests, not demands or threats, such as: "Please do this now" NOT: "Do this now, or else!"

16. Remember to balance truth with kindness.

17. Be assured that your relationships WILL thrive as long as you keep on striving towards a win/win outcome!

##To learn more about the importance of "I Statements" be sure to return for our next post.