If I received 1 dollar each time I heard ' I should ....' from a client, I would be rich in no time at all. Whenever I hear an 'I should'  I usually pose the question: ‘Why do you believe that you should be, do, think or feel’ (whatever it is the client is  'shoulding' about) and usually find that they are quite surprised to discover that they either haven’t the vaguest idea and not the slightest intention of doing, being, thinking or feeling whatever they’d been declaring that 'they should'.

So, why is it that we all tend to fall prey to the 'I should’s' every so often? Do we enjoy the feelings of guilt that usually accompany such a though? Do we believe that perhaps, somehow, by expressing the thought we help it to magically transform into action or do we suppose that thinking or speaking it out often enough will eventually become such an annoyance that it pushes us to acting on it? Whatever the reason – and it may be different for different people – one thing is for sure, no amount of thinking that I should is going to propel me into appropriate action. In fact, there is only one thing that will EVER get me to act and that is having sufficient motivation to do so.

THE POWER OF MOTIVATION

Unless I have the motivation to get on the treadmill every morning, eat only half the serving on my plate and say 'no' to that delicious chocolate slice, I will definitely not lose the weight I desperately want to get rid of.

Unless I have the motivation to check the newspapers every day, make those phone calls and go to all the interviews, regardless of how  inconvenient, scary or boring that may be, I will never  get that new job I’ve been dreaming of.

Get the idea?

Unless the reward of doing or achieving whatever I feel ‘I should'  significantly outweighs the discomfort of where I am at the moment, all the ‘shoulding’ in the world is not going to make any difference.

So, how can you move from your 'should s' to gaining the motivation you need to do what it takes?

Easy! You’ve just got to get desperate! In fact, you will have to get so desperate that you are willing to pay whatever the price may be.

For example:

If my GP tells me that I am going to die within the year unless I lose significant amounts of weight, you’ll probably find me on that treadmill within hours; my cooking and eating habits will change overnight and I won’t give chocolate cakes a second glance.

Do you see what I mean?

Once I've decided that the price of remaining the same is too high, the cost of changing becomes far more palatable.

Thankfully, there is another way of gaining the motivation you need and that is to convince yourself that whatever it is you want is worth the price you need to pay in order to achieve it.

To test out the truth of this for yourself, you can do the following:

Write a list of ‘shoulds’ such as: I should ring my mother more often or I should be tidier, or I should stop smoking……etc.

Leave your list for day or two and then sit down with it and decide for each individual ‘should’: ‘How desperately do I REALLY want those things I listed?, i.e: Do I really want to ring my mother more often, become tidier or stop smoking?’

Unless the answer is a resounding ‘YES, absolutely – I desperately want to do this because the price of not doing it is just too high’ you simply don’t have enough motivation to do anything about it.

If this is so, you only have one smart option: Stop beating yourself up about it. Let go and get comfortable with saying ‘I choose not to do anything about this at the moment’. Then move on to those ‘shoulds’ for which your motivation is high enough that you are willing to pay the price.

If you do have sufficient motivation, the next step will be to decide on your goal, identify the steps you need to take towards it, break them down into manageable pieces, and most importantly, get started moving in the right direction.

Sounds easy? Well, it can be if you…1. have the motivation, 2. have identified the steps, 3. have someone to walk the journey with you or, at least, have someone to keep you accountable . This someone could be a person you love, or a trusted friend, or a mentor or a coach.

Enjoy the journey!