One of the most  important steps we can take  in order to live on purpose and create the greatest life possible is to clarify for ourselves the meaning of success .  

 

The question ‘What is success?’ will, no doubt, elicit different answers from different people. For some success may mean ownership - perhaps owning a business, a fabulous car, a lovely home. For others it may mean overcoming tough physical  challenges, perhaps climbing Mount Everest,  sailing around the world or trekking through Nepal . Yet others might consider success to be intellectual achievement. Each individual has cherished ideas around success and I am a strong believer in the validity of those ideas.

 

However, through my years of working in the coaching arena - assisting people to achieve their greatest desires and reach their most important goals, and in the counselling field - helping people work through their greatest individual challenges - I have come to realise an important truth.  Unless we succeed in our relationships with the people we love, all other achievements - no matter how great or how cherished - soon lose their appeal and, in  fact, often become totally meaningless.  

 

Making this discovery also helped me become aware that no matter what other goals we may have, we must NEVER lose sight of the most important one of all - to do all it takes to make our significant relationships as wonderful, satisfying and as healthy as we possibly can.  

 

If you feel that your important relationships could do with a 'tune-up', please read on....

1.      Identify where you are at right now with your most important relationships. On a scale from 1 – 10 where would you consider your level of success to be in your relationships …with your life partner?...your children?...your parents?...and any other people who really matter to you????   

2.      Decide - Where would you prefer to be on that continuum?  

3.      Ask yourself:  Which changes can I make to move closer towards that goal? 

4.      Write down your ideas and then decide which of those changes  will make the  greatest difference. This could be a change in attitude, expectations or perhaps a change in the way you communicate. It could be that you need to spend more time with your loved ones, that you need to hold back on judgments, become more encouraging or express your love more often. It could be any one of a thousand things. Define the ones that are meaningful to you.   

5.      Determine to pursue making those changes that will create the greatest difference. 

6.      Be realistic - Making changes is tough and you will, on occasion, find yourself falling back into your old ways of  relating.    

7.      Be prepared - When you fall back, pick yourself up, brush yourself off and  recommence the process with renewed determination and energy.  

8.      Remember when you feel discouraged :  each tiny step in the right direction  w ill take you closer to your goal.       

9.      Commit to doing all it takes  for however long it takes .  

10. Honour each milestone and celebrate each success. 

 

Listen – Be quiet whilst the other person is speaking. Hear them without interrupting, judging, airing or defending your opinion, without allowing your mind to drift or thinking of the response you might make. Listen with your ears, your mind and heart. You never know what you might learn!

  

Embrace their differences – Instead of being threatened, frustrated or irritated by the other person's differences, enquire about them with a sense of curiosity and a willingness to step outside your box . Give yourself permission to broaden your horizon and learn what makes the other person ‘tick’.  Remember these words of wisdom: "Diversity is the one true thing we all have in common. Celebrate it every day."

 

Show affection - Kiss, touch, hug, smile! Use body language to let the other person know that you truly care for them. It is said that people will forget what you said, that they will forget what you did but they will never forget how you made them feel.  Sometimes, a smile can  say  more than 1000 words.  Let your body talk! 

 

Express appreciation - How often do we take the time and make the effort to pay attention to the things that are right, good and positive in our lives and to let people know how much we appreciate them. How often do we remember to thank those around us for all the little things  they do for us ? Determine to say ‘thank you’ more often. Tell the important  people in your life  how much  they mean to you.  Say "I love you" to one (or all) of them at least once daily.

It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.  (Audre Lorde)  

A man may fail many times but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else. (J. Paul Getty) 

The difference between a smart man and a wise man is that a smart man knows what to say, a wise man knows whether or not to say it. (Frank M. Garafola) 

And though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains but have not love, I am nothing (Bible, Cor.13:2)

  !!  HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY  !!
 For 100 ideas to say, "I love you" click on: www.stepfamily.asn.au/content/view/998/145/

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