ANGER - A NORMAL HUMAN EMOTION
As I am sitting down to write my monthly newsletter
this evening, I am filled with the black clouds of
anger and frustration. Why, you might ask, is this
so? Well, without going into the detail of what
tipped me into this distressing state, just let me
say that it had something to do with the people in
my life towards whom I generally feel great love.
Now, this is by no means the first time I've felt
angry and frustrated with one or more of my family
members, but it's the first time in a long time that
I've allowed these feelings to REALLY get under my
skin. You might wonder why I would choose such a
moment to write a newsletter and I'd like to provide
an answer to this. The reason is simple: Anger is
a normal human emotion which we are all capable of
feeling whether we are people who are committed to
LIVING ON PURPOSE, or not. The defining factor is
not the way we feel, but how we choose to deal with
the way we feel.
Life, as we all know only too well, does not solely
consist of mountain top experiences or of feeling
all warm and fuzzy towards people - even those we
love, but for each of us carries frustrations,
miscommunications, misinterpretations and loads of
unfulfilled hopes, dreams and expectations....and
tonight it just so happens that I am feeling the
full force of all of the above.
So, why do we react to some anger triggers more
readily on some days than on others?
The reason for this is that we are more easily
tipped into these distressing feelings when we are
overtired or especially fragile. This could be due
to feelings of unwellness; having just endured a
knock to our sense of self; experienced a
significant change; or are simply feeling a bit low
for whatever reason.
So, how do we best deal with it when this
happens?
MAKING ANGER WORK FOR YOU!
Well, you could do what I am doing right now...and
that is to write about it instead of following your
first inclination of ripping off heads or blasting
the bejeebers out of the 'offender/s. Writing (for
me) is great self-therapy!
If writing doesn't do it for you, choose another
self-therapy tool. This could be running around the
block, beating the stuffing out of a cushion,
trashing your old tennis racked on the nearest tree
(ensuring that you are not being observed by a tree
preservationist!) or if you live near the beach,
finding a deserted stretch and screaming until your
throat hurts.
As anger and frustration are energy driven feelings
any energetic process will assist in releasing the
overload. Once drained of the worst, you'll probably
feel exhausted and sad. If so, don't worry about it,
it's normal and when this has passed, you will be
able to see much more clearly. So, be sure to let
enough time pass until you can again see beyond the
tip of your nose before you tackle the issue. Be
aware, anger affects your eyes - it makes you
short-sighted!
Once you have reached a clearer state of mind,
decide whether your anger was justified or simply an
overreaction to someone pushing one of your hot
buttons:
If you decide that your anger was appropriate to
the issue tackle it from a foundation of calm,
clear thought and then decide on an appropriate
course of action. This may mean having a
conversation with the 'offender/s'. It could
necessitate letting them know calmly, quietly but in
no uncertain terms (assertively!) how their
behaviour caused you to feel and why.
If you decide that your anger was an overreaction
to a minor event spend some time considering how
you could better deal with such a circumstance next
time. Let go of the offense and cleanse your heart
in whatever way this may seem appropriate to you.
This could be through talking it over with a trusted
friend or mentor; it could take the form of a
symbolic act such as writing it down and then
tearing it up; visualising the toxicity this issue
has caused washing away as you take a shower; or
letting it 'go' through prayer and meditation.
None of this is easy to do, especially when you are
feeling really angry and raw and only want to
'strike out' and hurt those you feel have hurt you.
However, if you are committed to LIVING YOUR LIFE ON
PURPOSE, it is important to train yourself to
respond rather than react to offences. So,
tonight I am taking my own advice. I'm keeping my
mouth shut, am pulling in my tail and will lay low
until I can see more clearly before I decide on an
appropriate course of action.
AN AFTERTHOUGHT:
A day later, anger cooled, frustration subsided and
decision made, let me add a few important DONT'S:
* Don't stew all night over the 'offence' or allow
it to take over your every waking moment.
* Don't let what may at this point only be a
molehill become a mountain in your mind or heart.
* Don't shove the issue under the carpet because it
may seem too inconvenient, too scary or too painful
to work through.
* Don't discuss it with people who lack in wisdom
and maturity.
* Don't pretend to yourself (or anyone else) it
didn't hurt when it clearly did.
* Don't deal with the issue in the heat of the
moment as you'll only say things you'll later
regret.
* Don't allow the offence to remain in your heart
because it will only sit there stewing in its toxic
juices, merely waiting for the next offence to occur
and all the while building more momentum.
* Don't allow it to damage your important
relationships.
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UPCOMING WORKSHOPS
NO MORE WORKSHOPS WILL
BE HELD UNTIL FEBRUARY 2007
A list of planned workshops, seminars and courses
for 2007 will be provided in our December Newsletter
NEW BOOKLETS AVAILABLE NOW - in hardcover and e-book
format:
* Second Families - Second Chances
* You and Your Stepchildren
* The Ex-Factor
* Effective Discipline in Stepfamilies
For purchase info
click here
WORDS OF WISDOM
People who fight fire with fire usually end up with
ashes. (Abigail Van Buren) *****************
We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange
medley of life. But we can decide what happens in
us- how we can take it, what we do with it - and
that is what really counts in the end. How to take
the raw stuff of life and make it a thing of worth
and beauty - that is the test of living. (Joseph F
Newton) ****************
I'll tell you a secret about this world: it meets
you exactly where it finds you and gives you what
you present to it. So, if you go out there looking
for anger, it will justify your anger. If you go out
there looking for love, it will justify your love.
If you’re looking for animosity and hatred, it will
give you animosity and hatred. It will match exactly
what you put out. That’s the key if you want health,
wealth, and happiness. (The Daily Guru)
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CONTACT DETAILS:
Sonja Ridden
331 Mona Vale Road
Terrey Hills NSW 2084
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