Step 1 - Gain greater
self-awareness
Setting boundaries is about
taking ownership of what is
yours. As you can only do that
if you are clear on what that
is, the first step to healthy
boundary setting is to increase
your self-awareness and discover
who you
really are.
Step 2 - Accept yourself
Accept yourself with all that is
yours - your identity and your
reality. Be aware that accepting
yourself does not mean that you
necessarily approve of
everything you think, feel or
do. It simply means that you
acknowledge where you are at.
Step 3 - Let others know who
you are
Letting others know about you
means sharing your thoughts with
them, letting them know your
values and beliefs, making them
aware of what you care about,
like, dislike, will and won't do
and so on. It means letting them
see the REAL you.
Step 4 - Accept others
Others have as much right to
their identity and their reality
as you have to yours.
Interfering with their right
means that you are intruding on
their boundaries.
Step 5 - Strengthen your 'no'
muscle
If 'no' is a difficult or scary
word for you, then saying NO to
a partner, parent, boss,
co-worker or friend can be very
threatening. However, as people
will only know you by the way
you present yourself to them,
this is a vitally important
skill that needs to be learnt in
order to establish healthy
relationships. Remember to
respect other people's 'no' as
much as you want them to respect
yours.
Step 6 - Take responsibility
for yourself
Blaming others for things that
aren't right in your world robs
you of personal power and makes
change impossible. Taking
responsibility for what is yours
(your identity and reality)
ensures you have all the power
you need to make the changes you
want.
Step 7 - Make choices
Even though it may not always
feel like it, you DO have
choices. If you don't like
certain things about yourself,
set about changing them. If you
aren't happy in your
circumstances, do something
about it. Stop playing the blame
game and start making choices
that empower YOU!
Step 8 - Choose your values
Define who you want to be and
commit to working towards that
goal. Shed any of the values
you've absorbed throughout your
lifetime and that no longer
serve you well and choose the
values that 'fit' you now.
Step 9 - Set goals and
persevere
You can only hit a target if
you've got one. Set realistic
goals for yourself and commit to
achieving them regardless of the
effort they may require. If you
aren't used to goal-setting, be
sure to start with small,
readily achievable goals.
Step 10 - Set limits for
yourself
Setting healthy boundaries is
not only important in creating
successful relationships with
others but also in maintaining a
healthy relationship with your
self. Set appropriate limits for
yourself to ensure you don't
fall prey to disempowering
habits.
To learn more about personal
boundaries in relationships,
click here
