6 Steps to Handle Issues with the "EX"

Things have gone off the rails. A crisis has hit you like a bomb. You didn't see it coming, you have no idea what is happening next and you can't even work out which way is up. No, you aren't a victim of a terrorist attack - this is merely a snapshot of your every-day-garden-variety stepfamily knocked sideways by a ‘surprise attack' by an ex-partner - and could be just one of the many issues you are forced to face on a daily basis.

Turning to friends won't help - they don't understand; your mother freaks out each time you mention your stepchildren because she can't handle the situation…and you can't get an appointment with your therapist for the next six weeks! While you might feel like you want to curl up and die, the fact remains that the rest of the world (not least of which is your loving hubby) needs you! So how do you handle yourself and your family through this?

Breaking the myths and moving on

Huge numbers of marriages, worldwide, end in divorce. Whilst we don’t as yet have reliable statistics reporting on the number of de-facto relationship breakups, they are thought to equal (and most likely even exceed) the numbers confirmed by divorce statistics. Remarriage statistics tell us that the majority of divorcees and separated de-facto partners eventually re-partner and that second and subsequent marriages break up at an even higher rate than first marriages.

Given that the family has been considered to be the fabric of society – a fabric that is clearly wearing thinner by the moment - it is of vital importance to assist, support and educate those who choose to take the marital (or de-facto relationship) plunge a second time around.

(the article is on page 4 )

Climbing the stepladder

When I married, some 20 years ago, I not only acquired a husband but also inherited two boys, aged nearly 3 and 4. Young, impressionable and still believing in the living happily ever after fairy tales of my childhood, I attacked my new job, that of a stepmother, with energy and gusto.

The first hiccup occurred when the children’s biological mother, who had been an inconsistent but important presence in their lives, decided that she really wasn’t needed any more and simply disappeared (not to be seen again for 14 years). This threw the children into confusion, distress and grief – feelings, which took many years to resolve.

Step lightly

Deck the halls or deck the ex? When one in four Australian clans is a stepfamily, Christmas can mean double helpings of stress. Counsellor Sonja Ridden, author of Help, I'm a Stepmother, provides a guide through the season's minefield.